Life Tips

so last Friday my roommate Dave ever the experimental genius decided to challenge the power outage Blues with a TV night without TV intrigued but skeptical I grabbed some popcorn dimmed the lights for Ambience and settled in for what I thought would be a quiet night of board games but Dave had other plans armed with nothing but a flashlight in his dramatic flare he launched into an impromptu so Hopper narration his voice echoed through our apartment as he passionately declared and then oneita discovered the secret twin complete with melodramatic gas and suspicious Whispers the plot twist spiraled faster than a spinning top with Dave leaping from couch cushions as if they were Cliffs and swiping at imaginary tears suddenly the phone rang it was Mrs Jenkins from next door worriedly asking if we were rehearsing for a community theater production or if she should call the police I assured her everything was fine and she Chuck

  so last weekend was our annual neighborhood barbecue a tradition as sacred as Uncle Bob's Hawaiian shirts as usual Dave our self-proclaimed Grill Master set up his trusty Grill which he calls The Inferno boasting he could flip a burger faster than anyone else could blink now Dave's known for his theatrics he flps he spins he even has a little dance move he calls the sizzle Shuffle but this year something was off Midway through his routine The Inferno made a sound that was less Sizzle and more sassy comeback suddenly a perfectly timed Breeze carried a puff of smoke shaped suspiciously like a question mark right into Dave's face bewildered but committed Dave continued flipping only for the grill to respond with a sequence of smoke signals that can best be described as a burger flipping roast by the time his wife Karen pointed out the smoke was forming letters

last month my family decided to adopt a parrot a vibrant little fellow named Charlie my uncle who has always fancied himself an animal Whisperer insisted that he could teach Charlie to talk birds are easy he boasted as he set up camp in our living room armed with bird treats and an extensive playlist of human phrases for a week he dedicated hours to his self-imposed mission which mostly involved repeating words like hello good morning and inexplicably mortgage we didn't think much of it until one afternoon my dad the family bread winner walked by Charlie's perch and the bird let out an earpiercing mortgage my dad froze wi dyed apparently my uncle's training had worked but only on this one word soon enough every time my dad passed Charlie would scream mortgage like a feathered financial adviser we finally realized that my uncle's true

so a couple of weekends ago my friends and I decided to escape the city chaos and go camping we packed our gear loaded up the car and drove to this secluded spot in the woods as we unloaded a raccoon with a Boy Scout had emerged from the bushes holding a tiny stick like a walking staff we laughed it off assuming it was a prank by one of us but then this raccoon with a confident Swagger started leading us down a path intrigued we followed half expecting one of our friends to jump out and Shout gotcha instead the raccoon guided us to a clearing filled with forgotten picnic baskets each overflowing with snacks as we gorged on snacks we realized the raccoon was organizing the trash into neat piles like a tiny Camp leader just as we were about to leave the raccoon saluted us with his par and scurried off my friend still

so last weekend was our annual family reunion and my brother Kevin was all hyped up about his latest culinary Masterpiece something he called explosive chili Now Kevin isn't exactly known for his subtlety remember the lava lamp lasagna incident so I was a bit skeptical but he swore this chili was unlike anything we'd ever tasted as we gathered in the backyard Kevin set up his chili station and I noticed a suspiciously colorful ingredient hidden under a napkin when I asked he just winked and said it's the secret to the bang as everyone dug in the chili was surprisingly delicious though a little spicy but just as Aunt Linda was about to compliment Kevin there was a loud pop followed by a series of smaller pops and the pot of chili started spewing fiery Sparks turns out Kevin had tossed in a few firecrackers for extra kick as we scrambled for cover Kevin shouted

  last summer my family decided to take a camping trip to Bear Lake a place ironically named for its distinct lack of actual Bears my cousin Tim however was completely unaware of this fact and had developed an irrational fear of bears after binge watching a survival show on our first day while we were setting up the tent Tim kept jumping at every russle in the bushes convinced a bear was lurking nearby as dusk settled we heard someone approaching and Tim froze Out of the Shadows appeared a park ranger or so we thought in a ridiculously realistic bear costume part of an educational program to teach kids about Wildlife without missing a beat Tim grabbed a pot and Spoon and started banging them together yelling back bear back the ranger confused but committed began to demonstrate bear Behavior thinking it was part of the show eventually Tim's clattering drew a crowd and the ranger delivered his lines through laughter remember

  last Saturday my brother Marco decided to impress his new date Lisa with an authentic Italian dinner armed with nonis cookbook and an enthusiasm that only new love can muster he set to work in the kitchen meanwhile I was lounging on the couch occasionally offering unsolicited advice like trying not to burn water this time as the aroma of marinara filled the apartment Marco's culinary confidence was palpable however things took a peculiar turn when his homemade pasta intended to be fed aini morphed into an avanguard sculpture of Tangled noodles at that moment the doorbell rang and in walked Lisa accompanied by her friends from the local art charity they were on their way to their annual auction and insisted Marco's Masterpiece deserved a spot fast forward an hour and there we were watching Marco's pasta sculpture sell for $500 as the gamble hit Marco turned to Lisa with a grin and said