Life Tips

  last Sunday my friends and I were lounging in our tiny apartment trying to escape the monotony of another lazy afternoon In the spirit of breaking the boredom my roommate Stan announced he could juggle We were skeptical but he insisted claiming he was once the juggle king at summer camp With nothing to lose but our attention we handed him the only available fruit a banana an apple and a squishy orange that looked like it had been through a lot Stan began with a confident toss But the banana slipped from his hand like a greased heel hitting the ceiling fan In a bizarre chain reaction the apple ricocheted off a lamp and the orange fell victim to gravity splattering onto the carpet Laughter erupted and Stan now ducking projectiles tried to salvage his dignity but the fruit had other plans By the end we were in stitches and Stan with a sheepish grin [Music]

so last Friday our office team decided to do a team building escape room everyone was pumped finally a chance to show off our Sherlock's skills outside of finding who keeps stealing lunches from the fridge we arrived at the venue but instead of heading straight to the game room we found ourselves inexplicably trapped in the lobby the receptionist who bore an uncanny resemblance to my aunt Edna handed us clipboards with forms that looked suspiciously like tax documents confused but committed we started filling them out thinking it was some clever riddle 30 minutes in we realized we'd been outsmarted by a locked door and a sign that read push rather than pull defeated but not deflated we finally got into the escape room with our heads held high later explaining the situation to HR we cleverly said "Well we were testing our team building skills on bureaucracy which it turns out is the ultimate escape

  so my aunt decided to host this murder mystery dinner party right it was supposed to be a classy affair with everyone dressed to the nines and playing their part in a who done it game everything started smoothly with guests mingling and sipping on their mocktails while eyeing each other suspiciously aunt Linda had even gone the extra mile dimming the lights for added drama but just as we began unraveling the mystery chaos erupted in the middle of the living room a loud crow echoed and there stood the neighbor's runaway rooster Reginald strutting around like he owned the place turns out he had sneaked in through the open patio door while everyone was trying to catch the feathered fiend Uncle Joe never want to miss a pun shouted "Well I guess the real foul play was under our noses the whole time." Everyone groaned but it was hard not to laugh at

  so my friends and I decided it was time to take our garage band the Desel Dudes to the next level we wanted to be cooler maybe even land a gig at the local pizza joint our drummer Tim mentioned he knew a professional sound engineer so we jumped at the chance when the day came in walked Greg a middle-aged guy with glasses and a cardigan who introduced himself as a librarian we were skeptical but he had this quiet confidence greg immediately started shushing us every time we got too loud at first we thought it was weird but then we realized our music sounded clearer more refined greg had a way of balancing our sound with just a gentle pitch it was like magic after the session we asked Greg how he learned to manage volume so well he adjusted his glasses with a smile and said "Years of practice keeping teenagers quiet in the library it turns out

  last Friday our weekly poker night took an unexpected turn My buddy Dave brought his dog Max claiming his wife kicked them both out for the evening Max a golden retriever with a pension for fetching slippers and leftovers sat beside Dave watching us intently We all thought it was cute until Dave jokingly dealt Max a hand With a nudge from Dave Max tapped his paw on the table to callull and nudged his cards like he'd been playing poker for years As the night went on Max kept winning hands leaving us baffled We chuckled at the idea of a dog outsmarting us until the final round when Max laid down a full house We just gked wondering if we should be proud or embarrassed Dave shrugged and quipped "Well he does have an ace up his sleeve He's got fleas." As Max wagged his tail and barked at triumph we realized we might need to

  so there we were at our annual family picnic complete with potato salad Frisbee and Uncle Bob's questionable barbecuing skills this year Grandpa decided to spice things up by bringing his new drone along now grandpa isn't exactly techsavvy last Christmas he mistook the TV remote for his phone and tried to call my aunt but today he was determined to show us his drone piloting prowess as he fiddled with the controls the Drone soared into the sky wobbling slightly like a baby bird on its first flight suddenly it off course disappearing over the neighbor's fence we heard a faint thud followed by Grandpa's triumphant shout look it's coming back sure enough the Drone returned but now with a pizza box dangling beneath it courtesy of the neighbor's backyard party Grandpa beamed see I told you I could deliver we all laughed and someone [Music]

  so there we were basking in the sun at Dave's backyard barbecue ready to devour some burgers and hot dogs dave was beaming with pride over his new state-of-the-art grill claiming it was the best money could buy as he fired it up we heard a faint melody drifting through the air at first we thought it was the neighbor's radio but as the sound grew clearer we realized it was coming from the grill itself confused we watched as Dave fiddled with the knobs only for the grill to switch from sizzling steaks to swavely playing girl from Epana turns out Dave had bought a Bluetooth enabled speaker disguised as a grill as we laughed at the absurdity my buddy Jim chimed in "Well Dave at least this way your grill marks will always hit all the right notes

  last Saturday my parents decided to throw a surprise party for my sister's birthday everything was set balloons streamers and a giant chocolate cake that could make even the most disciplined eater crumble as guests arrived there was a knock at the door and in walked a mine confused we assumed he was some sort of entertainment though none of us remembered hiring him he immediately started miming exaggerated actions from pulling on invisible ropes to getting trapped in an imaginary box it was amusing for the first 10 minutes until he refused to leave my parents in a fluster offered him cake thinking it might be a universal peace offering he mimed a nod took his slice and finally mimed his exit just as we relaxed he popped back in apparently realizing he had forgotten to mime his thank you we realized then that mimes have a silent way of making a real scene especially when cake is involved

  last Thursday our book club gathered at Sarah's place for what was supposed to be a discussion on Pride and Prejudice as we settled into a cozy living room something felt off for starters Sarah had an odd glint in her eye and there were more cat toys scattered around than usual just as Jane began her analysis of Mr Darcy's societal impact the door swung open and in strutted whiskers Sarah's usually in different Tabby wearing a pint-sized tuxedo complete with a bow tie we all laughed assuming it was some quirky birthday celebration for the cat but then came mittens in a shimmering gown followed by socks in a sequin vest it dawned on us this wasn't a book club meeting it was a full-blown feline fashion show Sarah grinning earto ear announced in her best announcer voice welcome to the first annual catwalk Extravaganza we spent the next hour judging

  it was a beautiful day for a wedding and everyone was buzzing with excitement as my buddy Dave was about to tie the knot with the love of his life Sarah everything was going perfectly until it was time for the groom's speech dave stood up cleared his throat and launched into a speech about the meticulous organization of his sock drawer he spoke passionately about color coding fabric types and optimal folding techniques the audience exchanged bewildered glances while Sarah's face turned a shade reminiscent of a tomato it wasn't until Dave proudly concluded with "And that's why I always keep my argyles separate from the ankle socks," that he realized he had delivered the speech meant for his presentation at next weekend's sock drawer enthusiast convention in the end he chuckled and said "Well at least now you all know what keeps me so well grounded." The laughter was so infectious that even Sarah couldn't help but laugh realizing she was ma...

  last week my family gathered for a reunion at my cousin Dave's house who had recently upgraded to a Smart kitchen Dave couldn't stop boasting about how this kitchen was so intelligent it could predict his favorite meals we were all curious so he offered to demonstrate as we sat around the table the lights dimmed dramatically and a soothing voice emanated from the hidden speakers preparing Dave's favorite meal we exchanged intrigued glances expecting a culinary Masterpiece moments later the kitchen presented us with a bowl of cereal meticulously garnished with exactly one banana slice and a side of toast that was more charcoal than Bread Dave unfaced proudly declared see Perfection trying to hold back laughter I asked does it also du lunch to which the kitchen replied affirmative and promptly delivered a single slice of cold pizza with a note that read dinner is leftovers as we all burst into laughter Dave

  last Sunday we all gathered at Grandma's house for the usual family dinner the aroma of her famous lasagna filled the air and everything seemed perfectly normal until Uncle Bob with a mischievous grin announced he had a magical surprise for us we all exchanged curious glances as he excused himself and disappeared into the hallway minutes later he returned wearing what looked like an elaborate magician gape prepared to be amazed he declared trying to perform a series of dramatic gestures however his arms seemed oddly restricted as he attempted to pull a rabbit from a hat he somehow ended up in a tangled mess flailing about like a malfunctioning marionette laughter erupted as we realized Uncle Bob's magician cape was actually a straight jacket he adored online in his struggle to free himself he exclaimed I was just trying to sleeve you all in all

  last weekend my friends and I decided to escape the chaos of city life and go camping We set up our tents near a serene lake and started a campfire roasting marshmallows and sharing ghost stories While gathering firewood my buddy Tim stumbled upon a peculiar wooden box under a pile of leaves It had a handwritten label on it that read "Open for a surprise." Naturally our curiosity got the better of us and we gathered around as Tim dramatically lifted the lid Inside we found a pile of rubber chickens At first we just stared confused and then Tim trying to look serious picked one up and squeezed it The loud ridiculous squawk echoed through the trees and that was it We all burst into laughter doubling over as we tried and failed to keep straight faces It was as if the box knew our comedic weaknesses As we packed up the next day Tim shrugged and said "Guess you could say we really

  so there I was on a Saturday morning ready to be conned into a manual labor job disguised as sibling bonding time my brother Jake had finally decided it was time to paint his living room claiming it would usher in a new era of adulthood I arrived armed with old clothes and a playlist of our favorite Tunes from the '90s but as we cracked open the first K of paint we were greeted by the rich gooey side of chocolate pudding instead of a Sleek new shade for the walls Jake's face turned from confusion to horror when he realized he had swapped his grocery list with the hardware store list and somehow ended up with 10 gallons of pudding determined not to waste the day Jake Shrugged and suggested we have a pain fight by the end of the morning the living room looked like Willy Wonka's crime scene and Jake covered in Pudding declared well at least we'll always have

  so last Friday at the office my cooworker Lisa came storming in waving her hands like she was swatting invisible flies it's happened again she exclaimed pointing accusingly at her stapler apparently Lisa had been losing sections of her reports for the past week and she swore that her stap had developed a taste for paper leaving behind nothing but a few stray Staples at first we all laughed it off suggesting she might need more coffee or a staple or exorcism but when I saw her kneeling by her desk performing what looked like a tribal dance to a pie the stapler Spirits I knew we had to intervene after some sleuthing we discovered tiny candy wrappers stuffed inside the stapler turns out Lisa's toddler had been using it as a personal trash can for her clandestine candy binges Lisa was mortified but I reassured her that a stapler with a sweet tooth might

every year our family reunion features a highly competitive game of charades And this time Uncle Lou was determined to win the coveted golden mime trophy He was up next and with a dramatic flourish he began mimming what we assumed was some sort of acrobatic escape artist He contorted at his face wiggled his arms and performed an elaborate pantomime of squeezing through a tight space We watched in awe convinced he was portraying some kind of Houdini The audience was enthralled each of us guessing wildly trapped in a box trying to escape until we noticed he had been in the same spot for an unusually long time It wasn't until Lou started frantically waving unable to vocalize his distress that we realized he wasn't acting Uncle Lou had somehow managed to get legitimately stuck in the window frame he leaned against for dramatic effect As we pulled him free he gasped

  last weekend my family decided to visit the new art museum in town my brother Tim who has always been a bit of a drama queen immediately latched onto a painting of a mysterious woman in a vibrant red dress he swore up and down that the woman in the painting winked at him naturally we all laughed at off assuming he'd spent too much time watching horror movies but Tim was relentless he dragged us back to the painting determined to prove his point as we gathered around he positioned us just right and said watch closely just as we all leaned in he let out a triumphant there it is but instead of seeing anything Supernatural I noticed his reflection perfectly aligned with the woman's eye giving the illusion she was winking we all burst into laughter realizing the truth Tim ever The Good Sport Shrugged and said guess she just couldn't resist my good looks to which my dad quipped

so last December my wife and I decided to turn our suburban home into a winter wonderland we spent the weekend decking the halls and draping the house in enough holiday lights to make Santa's sleigh visible from Mars everything was perfect until the lights started flickering in sync with Jingle Bell Rock but not just when we played it curious I asked our techsavvy teen if he'd done something he shrugged eyes glued to his phone suggesting maybe our lights were haunted by the ghost of Christmas past then one night during a silent night pun intended my neighbor Tom rang the doorbell chuckling turns out his Wi-Fi controlled decorations were on the same network as ours every time he cranked up his playlist our lights went disco mode we laughed it off agreeing to sync our playlists for a synchronized display but here's the kicker when we asked Tom which network he was using he winked and said

  last weekend my buddy Tom invited us over for what he called an unplugged jam session he's been learning guitar and we figured it was time to support his musical Endeavors we gathered in his living room bracing ourselves for some enthusiastic albe aamish strumming but as soon as he picked up his guitar A Soulful rendition of Bohemian rap city filled the room we exchanged impressed glances silently questioning when Tom had turned into Freddy Mercury Tom beamed with pride his fingers barely grazing the strings as the music continued flawlessly just as we were about to crown him the next rock legend the music abruptly shifted to a kid song about ducks confused we looked around until Tom's neighbor burst through the door laughing sorry guys my playlist hijacked your speaker guess the Ducks weren't ready for the rore and that's how we discovered Tom's hidden talent his ability to rock out with someone else's Bluetooth

  every year my family insists on enduring the traditional backyard photo shoot to capture the essence of our genetic resemblance which as dad always grumbles is mainly receding hairlines and questionable fashion choices this year however brought an unexpected twist as we prepared to pose at Linda who fancies herself as the next Annie Lee of Vitz set the timer and hurried into position just as the camera clicked a mysterious white blur appeared in the corner of the frame a ghost yelped cousin Jimmy who clearly spends too much time on ghost hunting reality shows panic ensued with mom insisting we call an exorcist and dad suggesting a seance with an eye roll meanwhile the wind picked up and the mysterious ghost began a slow dance around us upon closer inspection it wasn't a spirit but mom's forgotten white scarf caught in a gust and photo bombing us we laughed it off but dad quipped

  so last weekend my buddy Dave and I hit the county fair eager for funnel cakes and that sweet sugary Bliss known as cotton candy Dave being the cotton candy connoisseur he is got his hands on the biggest swirl they had as we wandered around I noticed something odd every time Dave turned around his cotton candy seemed to double in size at first I thought my eyes were deceiving me maybe it was just the Heat or my overactive imagination but soon the thing was so enormous that it was casting a shatter large enough to cover a small family intrigued I followed Dave's pattern of movement only to discover he'd been standing next to the pen with the prize-winning Sheep affectionately named Fluffy turns out fluffy had been sneakily nibbling on his cotton candy replacing it with her own wool each time as Dave finally caught on he laughed saying well I guess that's what

  so last Saturday my friends and I were hanging out at my place trying to beat the summer heat with some homemade smoothies as I was about to toss some strawberries into the blender it suddenly roared to life on its own we all jumped back eyes wide with my buddy Tom clutching his heart like he'd just seen a ghost my roommate Sarah nervously joked about our haunted kitchen appliance while Dave suggested we call in a priest the blender word and buzzed seemingly possessed and just as we were about to flee the scene my neighbor's kid Timmy Bur through the door laughing hysterically turns out Timmy had rigged the blender with a remote control as part of his latest prank as we all laughed in relief Timmy proudly declared guess you could say I really Juiced up the mood

  so there we were just a regular Saturday with my buddy Dave and my cousin Larry out on Lake wobble catch for our annual fishing trip we had the cooler stocked with sandwiches sodas and enough sunscreen to protect a small village the morning started off normal enough with Larry bragging about his new state of the art fishing rod that he claimed could practically catch fish on its own we laughed not thinking much of it until to our surprise fish started leaping into a boat like it was Noah's Arc at first we thought Larry's Rod must be working some magic but then we noticed a on the shore a catfish convention had set up camp for their annual catfish Carnival complete with fish fry stations and a catfish karaoke Booth it seemed our boat was the emergency escape route for fish fed up with being the main attraction as we chuckled at our newfound luck Dave turned to us and said

  last weekend my sister invited us over to her apartment to show off her new house plant a rare species she claimed was sensitive to music as we gathered around she played some jazz and to her amazement the plant's leaves started swaying rhythmically "can you believe it?" she said her eyes wide with excitement my brother Ever the skeptic leaned in for a closer look muttering about how he could never even get his cactus to stay alive let alone dance as we tested different genres from pop to classical the plants movements becam more dramatic and we were all entranced just when we thought we'd discovered the eighth wonder of the world my sister's boyfriend burst out laughing holding up a tiny remote control forgot to mention he chuckled it's a boogie pot not a bot plot turns out he had hidden miniature speakers in the soil and the plant was more of an innocent

  so last weekend my friends and I decided to have a laid-back picnic at the local park we had everything set up sandwiches drinks and a massive juicy watermelon that was the crown jewel of our spread as we settled in we noticed the watermelon had a mind of its own rolling away every few minutes at first we thought it was the uneven ground but after the third time our curiosity peaked we were determined to catch the culprit so we set a stick out with our eyes glued to the rogue fruit suddenly from behind a bush a family of raccoo emerged each dawning tiny bowling shirts and eyeing our watermelon like it was the perfect tenpin they pushed it along with surprising skill chattering excitedly we watched amused and slightly baffled until one of my friends unable to resist shouted "Hey you're supposed to strike not spare us the watermelon." And with that

so last weekend my brother Dave called an emergency family meeting he was in a tizzy claiming his brand new high-tech fitness tracker had gone rogue this thing was documenting workouts like midnight sprints couch jumps and tail wagging intervals which was even more confusing because to my knowledge Dave's never sprinted anywhere at midnight unless there was pizza involved we all laughed it off thinking maybe it was a glitch or Dave's wild imagination but Dave being the tech challenge skeptic h is refused to wear it then one evening as I was watching TV I noticed our dog Max racing around like he had just discovered the secrets of the universe that's when it hit me i asked Dave where the tracker was and he sheepishly pointed to Max sporting the gadget on his collar like a K-9 fashion statement turns out his possessed tracker was just tracking Max's adventures

  so last Saturday my friends and I gathered at Dave's place for what was supposed to be a casual night of pizza and karaoke Everything was going smoothly until Dave's karaoke machine started acting like it had a mind of its own Whenever we'd finish a topic of conversation the next song choice would dearly match what we just been talking about We chatted about our love lives and suddenly I will survive blared through the speakers Discussing work stress Q Take this job and shove it After a few rounds of this uncanny musical fortunetelling we were convinced Dave had some secret psychic abilities or worse a bugged apartment It wasn't until we noticed his phone mysteriously lighting up that we realized the machine was synced to our group chat Turns out Dave had updated the software with a new smart suggestions feature The real kicker was when we joked about needing a break from all this weirdness and the machine played

  last weekend my family got together for our annual reunion at grandma's house everything was going smoothly until dessert time when grandma started acting strangely glancing nervously at the coffee table "my dentures are haunted," she whispered wideeyed as her false teeth clattered around her mouth like castinets possessed by a mumbo spirit the room fell silent and Aunt Linda the self-proclaimed ghost hunter grabbed her EMF meter while Uncle Bob started reciting the Lord's Prayer just as the chaos hit its peak and grandma looked ready to call the local exorcist my cousin Tim burst out laughing he walked over to the table and lifted up his buzzing phone apparently he'd set it on vibrate and left it on the same table where grandma had set her denture case with a sheepish grin he said "Looks like grandma's dentures got an unexpected call must have been a wrong number

  so my cousin Dave just got this flashy new car and we were all a bit envious it was one of those models with all the bells and whistles literally the first time he took us for a spin something odd happened every few minutes the car would honk by itself at first we laughed it off figuring it was a fancy feature we didn't understand like a self-aware automotive mood ring but then the honking started getting weirdly specific right as we passed the neighbor's house or when Dave was about to brag about his car's horsepower clearly the car had developed a personality and an obnoxious one at that one day it honed the tune of Jingle Bells in July and we knew we had to solve the mystery after an afternoon of sleuthing we discovered the real culprit the neighbor's kid with a remote controlled car on the same frequency we all burst into laughter and

  so last Saturday night my family decided to host a dinner party picture this candles flickering music softly playing and the aroma of my mom's famous lasagna wafting through the air everything was going smoothly until my dad who's usually the tech guru decided to preheat the oven now my dad's not known for his culinary skills but we trusted him with this simple task about 30 minutes into dinner the kitchen started to smell like Mount Vuvius was having a bad day curious and slightly concerned we all shuffled into the kitchen to find the lasagna bubbling over like it was auditioning for a role in a lava lamp commercial turns out Dad had set the oven to volcano instead of 350° F in his defense he thought it was a new convection setting as we scrambled to rescue the lasagna Dad muttered "Well at least it's an explosive taste safe to say

  so last weekend my friends and I decided to hit the beach for some sun Surf and Sand Castles as soon as we set up my buddy Dave sprinted over eyes wide with excitement proclaiming he'd found a magical sand dollar he claimed it could grant wishes and to prove it he wished for a cold drink moments later a vendor strolled by offering cold sodas we laughed it off as a coincidence but Dave was convinced next he wished for a breeze and right on Q a gust of wind knocked over our umbrella we were starting to get intrigued though skeptical then Dave wished for an ice cream truck and sure enough we heard the unmistakable jingle in the distance just as we were about to Crown Dave the new beach wizard he decided to pop open his sand dollar for a closer look that's when we discovered it was a chocolate coin from his Lune we all burst

last weekend my siblings and I decided to throw a surprise birthday party for Mom everything was set balloons a lovely banner and an impressive three- tiered cake we managed to keep hidden as we sat Mom down and shouted surprise everything seemed to go perfectly but then as we brought out the cake something bizarre happened from somewhere in the room a voice began singing Happy Birthday in a strangely afy rendition we all exchanged puzzled glances no one was singing The Voice continued now launching into an awkward Ren edition of Sweet Caroline and we looked around to find the source the sound seemed to be coming from the pantry We snuck over and flung the door open only to find Dad huddled inside with a microphone belting out tunes into a karaoke machine he sheepishly grinned and said I wanted to be the icing on the cake mom laughed so hard she nearly dropped her slice

  last summer my Aunt Linda started receiving mysterious notes in her mailbox all signed by her garden gnome Mr dinkles now Linda being a quirky lady who loves her garden more than anything found this both fascinating and mildly disturbing each note was a comical critique of her gardening skills your roses are basically weeds in Disguise one said my cousin Jake and I decided to investigate one evening armed with flashlights and snacks we camped out in her living room peering through the curtains around midnight we saw the neighbors dog Sparky prancing around with something shiny turns out a pen was taped to Sparky's collar and he was scribbling on leftover sticky notes left outside we burst out laughing realizing that Sparky had been the one critiquing Linda's gardening prowess the next morning we told Linda who chuckled and said well at least now I know why I hide

  last Thursday our book club gathered in Susan's living room ready to dive into the intricacies of Pride and Prejudice Everything seemed typical until Susan introduced us to her new pet a parrot named Mr Darcy We chuckled at the name and settled into our discussion when suddenly Mr Darcy piped up from his perch with "The intricate dance of societal norms and personal desires is at the heart of Austin's narrative." We sat in stunned silence our jaws dropping at the bird's seemingly profound insight Encouraged we continued discussing and each time Mr Darcy would chime in offering quotes that align perfectly with our analysis It was as if he had a bird's eye view of Jane Austin's mind We were in awe until Susan sheepishly admitted that Mr Darcy had been left alone with the audio book playing on loop Turns out he wasn't a literary genius just a feathered plagiarist As we laughed Mr

so last Saturday my family decided to hold a garage sale to clear out years of accumulated clutter as we were setting up Dad emerged from the attic with a triumphant look holding what he claimed was an ancient artifact he was convinced it would fetch us a fortune and he handled it like it was the missing piece of the Rosetta Stone the thing was covered in dust and had a strange Mystic aura or maybe it was just bad lighting my sister and I both Skeptics squinted at it as the crowd gathered dad began regaling them with stories of ancient civilizations and mysterious rituals the crowd nodded intrigued as he spun his tail finally curiosity got the better of me and I took a closer look with a quick wipe the mystery was solved em blazing on the side with the words I heart fogs my sister burst out laughing and I joined realizing dad's ancient  

  so picture this my family and I were gathered for a Sunday brunch at my cousin Leo's Place Leo known for his elaborate and often questionable magic tricks promised to unveil a new illusion that would change our perception of breakfast forever intrigued we all gathered in the living room half interested half expecting Leo to accidentally set something on fire he dramatically dimmed the lights and produced a spoon announcing that he would make it levitate as he waved his hands and mutter gibberish we watched in awe and disbelief as the spoon indeed hovered above the table my Aunt Mary notorious for her poor isight gasped Leo you wizard it's floating we all leaned in trying to catch a glimpse of the miracle suddenly Uncle Joe who' been silently nursing his coffee lit out a chuckle and pointed up there spinning lazily above us was a ceiling fan with a piece of fishing line [Music]